When you feel good about yourself, it seems there is no limit to what you can do. This feeling is called self-confidence. As opposed to confidence, which is based on experience and external evidence, self-confidence is about the belief and trust you place in yourself. “Self-confidence is an emotion that you generate without any history to back it up or external evidence.” It is internal. (Source: kelseymatheson.com)

 

While my self-confidence has been growing by leaps and bounds thanks to post-traumatic growth, when I step outside of my comfort zone, my internal confidence gets shaken.

 

I’ve experienced this two times this month. Each time was when I led worship at places other than my spiritual home, the Brandon United Methodist Church.

 

Is this any reason for me to give up?

 

HELL NO.

 

When your self-confidence is shaken, here are 6 ways to build it back up:

 

1) Fail More

“Here’s a little secret if you want to increase your self-confidence…. Fail more! Failure is an opportunity to increase your self-confidence.” Writes entrepreneur Kelsey Mathsen in her blog post, “Confidence vs Self-Confidence: What’s The Difference?”

 

Making mistakes and learning from them is how we grow.

 

Learning = Growth

 

Each failure provides a valuable lesson and, according to Kelsey, “by you CHOOSING to put yourself in a position where you will most likely fail… you are speeding up your journey to achieving the outcomes you are working towards.” A sure formula for success. But I caution you, growth is painful. Be ready for it. Keep practicing.

 

2) Practice Makes Perfect

Each week that I write a reflection for worship and each month when I write a blog post I improve. Practice makes perfect because we build positive habits and increase self-confidence through repetition.

 

Repetition is the Mother of all Learning

 

“Remember when you first learned how to drive a car?” Blogger Catherine Plano posted on medium.com. “You had no concept of how much you needed to learn, did you? Then, when you first sat behind the wheel, you realized that you were actually completely incompetent! But with practice, practice and more practice, you increased your confidence, to the point where eventually you started driving ‘on auto pilot’ … Soon enough, changing lanes or thinking about which foot is on which pedal became a sort of ‘innate’ behavioral experience, improving your skill and confidence.”

 

The things we practice on a regular basis become second nature in a matter of time.

 

3) Looking Good is Feeling Good

When practicing, whether you are at your very best or not up to your usual performance, looking is feeling good. You can even look good when failing.

 

A friend once told me, “It takes fifteen minutes to put on something that looks good. It’s the easiest part of performing.” My friend, who is a musician, was speaking in terms of timing, remembering lyrics, playing an instrument and all the other things that make a band (or soloist) sound great. However, this analogy can be applied to our personal lives.

 

With the state of the world today, when every word choice in a conversation matters, attire may be the easiest decision we make.

 

Of all the things we can do to bolster self-confidence, getting dressed is possibly the quickest and easiest of tasks.

 

What we put on is our suit of armor for the day. So, when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. And it doesn’t necessarily have to cost a fortune either.

 

One doesn’t have to spend a ton of money to feel good about what one is wearing.

 

Head to a thrift store. One of my friend’s and my favorite bargain outlets is the Open Door Mission in Rutland, VT. Not only can one build self-confidence, one can do it while supporting a good cause.

 

The thrift store funds a large portion of the costs to help the homeless and veterans.

 

Fail more, shop more, look better, feel better. Help others. A formula worth contemplating. But seriously, if failing means stepping out of our comfort zones…and learning. Then what would happen to our self-confidence if we purposefully learned something new?

 

4) Learn Something New

“Naturally, it can be daunting to leave our comfort zones and try something new. But once the first step is taken, the improvements to our confidence and character can last the rest of our lives.” (Source: journey-magazine.com)

 

Learning Can:

• Improve Career Prospects
• Keep Cognitive Abilities Sharp
• Keep Your Mind More Agile & Alert as You Age
• Improve Adaptability
• Build Self-Confidence

(Sources: community.thriveglobal.com & sites.psu.edu)

 

Have I told you that I am learning something new?

 

Kickboxing & Christ

 

 

I know, I know; that’s two self-confidence builders. But the words sound so good together and in unison have built so much self-confidence in me that I just couldn’t resist throwing them in. Besides, it’s true.

 

This year I have started learning kickboxing.

 

All kidding aside, I’ve blogged many times about the importance of physical exercise for our mental wellbeing. What I haven’t blogged about until now is its confidence building perks.

 

5) Exercise

I love the newfound strength and agility of practicing this fitness routine. Although it is challenging and completely new to me, kickboxing is building self-confidence in a particular way: self-protection. (This is a skill that would have come in handy in the past as I faced my abusers.)

 

Although, “There are many ways exercise can increase your self-esteem. Lifting weights has been found to lower anxiety. Aerobics classes can improve mental positivity. Tai chi can increase a person’s feeling of self-worth.” (Source: healthyliving.azcentral.com)

 

A healthy able body is something one can feel much more secure traversing the world in. Colleen Eggers, a personal trainer/fitness instructor at the Good Samaritan Health and Wellness Center in Downers Grove, Ill., says, “Working out as little as 30 minutes a day can help you feel stronger, look stronger and increase your mood. All of these can make you have a better self-esteem and a better outlook on life.” (Source: www.ahchealthenews.com)

 

I anticipate my self-confidence growing as I continue to learn more new skills and practice kickboxing.

 

6) A Higher Power

No doubt about it, my internal (& eternal) confidence comes from Christ.

 

Even in my weakest moments, and when I am all alone, I have my high power to lean on.

 

The more I have learned about the story, history and life of Christ, the more confident I have grown in myself. Not only do I Believe, I know I am one of His chosen ones. I have confidence in who I am. For I have the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

 

Jesus preached to and hung out with the poor and oppressed. I’m not only talking about those headed to thrift stores. By poor, I mean the poor in spirit. Anyone falling on hard times spiritually, financially or otherwise. This could mean anyone from those utilizing the mission’s services to those making donations.

 

God loves all of us. Therefore, the lamb of God, Jesus Christ, became our shepherd.

 

Jesus spent His time with the disabled, the down-trodden and depressed. He was himself houseless and relied on the goodwill of those he preached to. If God was one of us, there is a good chance He would frequent the Open Door Mission and other places where those who suffer can be found.

 

As for me, I will be practicing at the Methodist and building up my self-confidence for my next trip out of my comfort zone…

 

I hope to see you Sunday at 11:15, 1 Franklin Street, Brandon, Vt.

 

Namaste.