From the President (who has a stutter) on down, no one wants to admit they have a disability. Denial reigns as top coping mechanism for those trying to escape stigma or shame. I am reminded of the Black Knight in Monty Python and The Holy Grail who refuses to admit defeat. Even after King Author has cut off both of his arms and says to the knight, “You stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left.”
“Yes I have.” The knight denies even though clearly his limbs are missing and he is no longer able to yield a sword.
“Look!” King Author shouts.
“It’s just a flesh wound.” The Black Knight protests.
This is how many people cope with imperfections… or wrong doings. As was the case with Bill Clinton in the Monica Lewinski scandal when he publically denied having sexual relations with her and with my abuser when I confronted him in court nearly a decade and a half ago. He said that I was “crazy” and that I had “a drug problem,” and that he had “done nothing” to me.
While I am not expecting my abuser to change his coping mechanism, I am a firm believer that if one is going to talk the talk, one must also walk the walk. I must face my own denial and confront the reality of my abuse.
The Pursuit of Justice
Originally, in creating this blog my intention was to confront my nephew about the danger his children are in personally with a letter and not involve the police.
I never got up the courage to do so.
Afraid of men since my attack, I was too afraid to confront my nephew alone. The one time I have ever confronted him was only this past May about work he was doing at my residence when he disrespected my specific instructions and he did what he wanted to do instead and then had the gall to say, “I did you a favor.” Belittling me and reminding me of his father, this served as a trigger which ultimately led to my last blog: What Is Happening to Me? A Survivor’s Guide to Understanding the Effects of Trauma.
This encounter has left us estranged and we may never speak again.
Throughout this whole process of confronting the truth and the family involved, I have done a lot of soul searching. In the beginning of August, a friend and fellow Christian said to me all I can do is “report it to the proper authorities.”
Soul Searching
My faith and studies as a ministry student have been an essential part of this journey. The story and teachings of Jesus Christ have helped shed light on my own turmoil, struggles and goals and have helped me be at peace with my decisions.
In preparation for the latest message I delivered in mid-August, the Bible helped me find the answer and justification I have been looking for in making this awkward decision. “How long will you judge unjustly and show partiality to the wicked? Give justice to the weak and the orphan; maintain the right of the lowly and the destitute. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” (Psalm 82: 2-4)
Thanks to this community of readers, writers, survivors, advocates and my faith, I now have the ability to speak my truth. Praise be to God and gratitude to friends for helping me “see the light” in simple terms and to all who have read, listened and bore witness to my struggle to come to terms with what happened and resist the temptation of denial.
Reporting
On August 25, 2022, after over four decades of familial denial, I turned my abuser in to the state’s Special Investigations Unit. The crime has now officially been reported. Every last detail.
While this avenue of protection for the children currently involved with my abuser is not what I had planned, I am hopeful the state can prove what others in my life are continuing to deny and protect the children who currently reside with him and other children who he may come into contact with.
Like the proverbial frogs in boiling water, I do not believe the children’s parents have the knowledge or the wisdom, perhaps confused by my perpetrator’s denial, to protect the children alone. Nor do they (or I) have the means.
Thanks to the Lord and my supporters, I now have the comfort of knowing I have done everything possible that I can do personally to protect children currently at risk of abuse by the man who harmed me. I have reported my attacker to the proper authorities who may actually have a chance to save these children from suffering as I have at the hands of this person.
It is their safety, particularly the safety of the little girl who lives with him, that has kept me going for the last three years as I have faced my own coping mechanisms. This whole time I have been thinking if only someone had pursued the truth when I came forward all those years ago.
Not one of us is perfect. Nor have humans ever been. From the top dog on down, we exist in the land of denial, acting as if none of us has a disability, has acted immoral or that anyone we love may be in danger of suffering as we have.
The pursuit of justice is a long road, but without traveling it, future generations will not have the protection they deserve. It was not until I sought protection for the next generation of children in my own family that I began to understand the importance of justice.
For help and tips on reporting, visit https://www.earlyopenoften.org/be-ready-to-respond/reporting-who-why-what/.
God bless anyone who tries to change the world for the better so that even one child may be protected. Namaste.
