February 14th is the celebrated day of love when friends and lovers exchange small tokens of affection. Today, survivor, I encourage you to give yourself a little token of affection in appreciation of your own value and worth. This is known as self-love and by definition requires proper regard for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being. (Source: merriam-webster.com)
So, while parts of the world are celebrating the romantic love typically associated with Valentine’s Day today, let us survivors ruminate on the love we have for ourselves.
Not only should we think deeply about the love we have for ourselves, but according to author Shahida Arabi, we should not hesitate to limit “exposure to invalidating or otherwise unsupportive people.” (Source: bustle.com) Seek out supportive relationships with people who validate and respect your life experiences and recovery. Don’t be afraid to eliminate contact with people who don’t respect your feelings or your survival. Stay away from others who marginalize you or your experiences.
The best gift some of us can ourselves may very well be spending the day alone. Think of Valentine’s Day as the ultimate mental health day or ME day.
The cultivation of self-love is central to the ability to prioritize care for ourselves as we navigate the path to survival. The power to classify one’s own needs as significant is essential in keeping ourselves healthy, particularly when overcoming trauma.
Self-Love = Self-Care
“Self-care is vital to trauma survivors because, by the nature of trauma, a person’s neurological system is […] on alert in fight or flight mode,” according to Andrea Schneider, a licensed clinical social worker. “Engaging in activities that lower that physiological adrenal surge from trauma can literally be life-saving.” (Source: bustle.com) Here are some examples of these types of activities:
- Meditation
- Yoga
- Connect with social support (*a sense of community builds resilience*)
- Sleep
- Hydrate
- Exercise
- Talk to a therapist or spiritual advisor
- Journal
- Take a hot bath
- Do a little self-massage
For more tips on self-care click here.
How to Practice Self-Love
- Listen to yourself/Trust your instincts.
- Prioritize spending time alone.
- Be kind to yourself.
- Acknowledge your good qualities.
- Show affection.
- Buy yourself a gift.
- Make it unconditional.
Cultivate an Internal Locus of Control
How much control do you feel you have over your behavior? The answer identifies your locus of control. If you feel you are very in control of your behavior then you have a high internal locus of control. If you feel you are a victim, subject to luck or simply responding to external forces, you most likely have a high external locus of control.
People with a high internal locus of control tend to be more independent and are better at resisting social pressure to conform or obey. We are much more likely to think for ourselves.
“Whether the locus is external or internal it will – by definition – affect your mind, body, and even actions.” (Source: simplypsychology.org) People with a high internal locus of control tend to believe in their own capability and are much more likely to take responsibility for their actions.
The conviction that one can handle their own life puts us in the driver’s seat.
The Power of Faith
I once told my nephew, “Deejus”, who doesn’t believe in God as I do, that it doesn’t matter what he believes in ─ as in what word(s) he chooses. As long as he believes in something other than humans.
What was I talking about? A belief in something greater than (>) people.
Alcohol Anonymous uses the term “higher power” and were among the first to recognize the influence spirituality has on recovery. The founders “came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” (Source: drugrehab.com)
Some identifiers used to name a higher power are:
- Buddha
- Allah
- Yahweh
- God
- Lord
- Heavenly Father
- The Cross
- Jesus Christ
- Jehovah
- Mother Earth
- Universe
- Nature
- Karma
“Regardless of the higher power we believe in, having faith in something bigger than ourselves can help us find peace.” Writes Chris Elkins, MA, Senior Content Writer, at DrugRehab.com. “For some people, a higher power is a deity or supernatural being… Others don’t believe in beings. They believe the universe or nature is a higher power.”
You don’t have to believe in religion. As Chris writes, “Finding a higher power isn’t about convincing yourself of something you don’t believe. It’s about finding something that brings you happiness, purpose and peace.”
And so my friends, this Valentine’s Day, let us love ourselves as we are meant to love ourselves; with the power of conviction.
May you know love. May you know happiness. May you know peace.
